


So Much Worse

by HappyJuicyfruit



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Curses, Djinni & Genies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Fluff and Angst, Geralt loves Jaskier he just doesn't know it, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, kind of, the mountain fight with a twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26076403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyJuicyfruit/pseuds/HappyJuicyfruit
Summary: “It’s time for me to get off this mountain, Geralt.”Jaskier adjusted his trousers, rebuttoned up his shirt. But when he tried to walk away, Geralt grabbed his arm.“Jaskier, you can’t just leave. It’s nightfall - the nearest town is days away. It’s too dangerous.”“It was a metaphor, Geralt,” Jaskier snapped back, “but now that you’ve mentioned it, I think I will leave. It’s not like you actually give a shit.”“If I didn’t care, I would never have let you follow me in the first place.”Jaskier scoffed, pulling his arm out of his grip. “If you really care, then prove it. Come down the mountain with me, right now. I’m not fucking staying here a minute longer.”“You’re being ridiculous, I can’t just abandon the group- ““You mean abandon Yennefer.”Geralt shook his head, “Jaskier, you’re acting childish!”“Okay,” Jaskier nodded his head once, “I guess that’s my answer.”
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 41
Kudos: 963





	So Much Worse

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovely readers! I'm going to be honest with you, I have no idea where this entire fic came from haha. I had the idea for the first scene and then... here we are, I guess. 
> 
> I hope you like it! 
> 
> Warnings: Geralt and Jaskier have sex at the beginning of this fic. Geralt thinks its 'just sex', Jaskier does not.   
> Talks about the djinn curse a lot.

Jaskier was talking again. This wasn’t new, Jaskier was almost always talking, but Geralt had come out to this rock to have some privacy. To think. 

To grieve, just for a moment. 

He had let a man’s life slip through his fingers. He’d watched three people fall to their deaths. Geralt thought he had earned this moment of peace. 

But Jaskier was talking again. 

He caught bits of it. Something about the coast. Something about being travel companions. 

Geralt didn’t say anything, he just turned to the man. Watched as Jaskier frowned at him. 

“I want to be here for you, Geralt,” Jaskier whispered, leaning forward. “just let me be here for you.” And then Jaskier was kissing him. 

They had done this before. After a tough contract, when Geralt couldn’t save someone. After one of them barely survived an attack, an injury, or in Jaskier’s case a particularly bad bar fight. The two of them would cling to each other to prove they were both still alive. 

A few times, when they were just both drunk and sharing the same bed. 

So it was familiar, when Jaskier pushed himself against Geralt’s side. It was familiar when Gearlt took his weight, and carried him into the trees. Not enough to call it a forest, but enough to give them some privacy. 

They had done this enough times that he knew that Jaskier liked his neck licked, his collarbone bitten. He knew that if he pressed just right, his cock fit into the groove of Jaskier’s hip. He did that now, pushed his trousers out of the way, pushed Jaskier’s shirt up, shoved against his skin. 

Jaskier was panting when Geralt moved back to his mouth, claiming his tongue with his own. He trembled when Geralt slipped his hand into Jaskier’s pants and circled his fingers around his cock. 

It wasn’t long before Geralt was grunting, coming against Jaskier’s skin. He caught his breath as he twisted his fingers, getting Jaskier to his own orgasm. 

But it was only after, as he supported Jaskier’s weight as he came back to himself, his arms loose around Geralt’s neck, that Geralt’s eyes drifted to the camp that was mostly out of view and Geralt remembered why they didn’t do this anymore. 

“Fuck.” He dropped his head to Jaskier’s shoulder. 

Jaskier brushed a hand through his hair, “what’s wrong?” He whispered, “is it Borche?” 

“No. I’m worried this is going to fuck things up with Yennefer,” he said, lifting his head and looking back at the camp. “Her tent isn’t far from here, I was going to go talk to her. Maybe I should-” 

“Are you  _ serious _ ?” Jaskier hissed. 

Geralt’s eyes swiveled back the bard, he didn’t expect him to be so…  _ angry _ . “What?” 

“Your come is still  _ wet _ on  _ my stomach _ and your first words are about  _ Yennefer _ ?!” 

Geralt frowned, confused, “she might not understand what this is, between us. It might hurt her.” 

“It might hurt  _ her _ ,” Jaskier said, and for a second, his face was twisted in pain. But by the next it was gone, and Jaskier was shoving Geralt away. Geralt let him. “And what exactly is this, Geralt? Because I would actually appreciate it, if before you go and explain it to Yennefer, you explain it to  _ me _ .” 

“You know what this is,” Geralt waved a hand between them. “It’s… it’s comfort. It’s just sex.” 

“It’s just sex,” Jaskier repeated, closing his eyes. 

“Jaskier, you can’t honestly be hurt by this. You fuck anything that moves.” 

“Yeah?” Jaskier let out a bitter laugh, “do I follow all of them around for twenty fucking years too?!” 

Geralt’s frown deepened, “Jaskier-” 

“Do I clean anyone else's wounds? Do I go around washing  _ everyones _ hair?!” 

“Jas-” 

“No, Geralt, I don’t! And this has never been  _ just sex _ for me!” Jaskier was practically shouting at this point, and Geralt’s eyes shifted again to the camp. “And gods, even now, you don’t care! You’re worried that Yennefer can hear me shouting about this!”

Geralt winced. 

“I fucking  _ love _ you Geralt, you know that?” Jaskier said, and that made Geralt pause. 

“... no you don’t.” 

“You are such an  _ asshole _ ,” Jaskier pushed his hands against his eyes, dropping them only to glare at him. “Yes, Geralt, I do. I have loved you for  _ years _ . And for the longest time, I thought you felt the same, but…” Jaskier shook his head. “Ever since you met that witch, it’s been different. And I’ve been the  _ fool _ sticking around, hoping that you’ll look at me again. Care about me like you used to… or maybe I was just hoping that if things were truly over between us, you would have the  _ decency _ to tell me yourself.” 

They stood there, staring at each other. Jaskiers eyes full of pain, Geralts in surprise. But before Geralt could think of something to say, Jaskier was turning away from him. 

“I guess I should have known better, you’ve been treating me like shit ever since…” Jaskier shook his head again. Geralt's brow furrowed, and Jaskier let out another bitter laugh. “Metitele, you don’t even know what I’m talking about. I can’t do this anymore, Geralt.” 

“What?” 

“This, us,” Jaskier waved between them. “Me constantly giving myself to you. I didn’t even  _ want _ to come up this stupid mountain. I  _ told _ you I didn’t want to come up this mountain. But you did, because Yennefer did, so I followed you. I followed you, and you didn’t even  _ care _ that I was trailing behind. Or that I was  _ terrified _ on that ‘short cut’. Twenty fucking years, and you didn’t even  _ walk within arms reach of me on that death trap- _ ” Jaskier snapped his mouth shut, his shouts still ringing in Geralt’s ears. He shut his eyes tight, took a steadying breath, and when he opened them again… Geralt knew something had changed. “It’s time for me to get off this mountain, Geralt.” 

Jaskier adjusted his trousers, rebuttoned up his shirt. But when he tried to walk away, Geralt grabbed his arm. 

“Jaskier, you can’t just leave. It’s nightfall - the nearest town is days away. It’s too dangerous.” 

“It was a metaphor, Geralt,” Jaskier snapped back, “but now that you’ve mentioned it, I think I will leave. It’s not like you actually give a shit.” 

“If I didn’t care, I would never have let you follow me in the first place.” 

Jaskier scoffed, pulling his arm out of his grip. “If you really care, then prove it. Come down the mountain with me, right now. I’m not fucking staying here a minute longer.” 

“You’re being ridiculous, I can’t just abandon the group- “

“You mean abandon Yennefer.” 

Geralt shook his head, “Jaskier, you’re acting childish!” 

“Okay,” Jaskier nodded his head once, “I guess that’s my answer.” He turned and started to walk away. 

Geralt followed him, anger boiling under his skin. “Jaskier, stop this. When did you get so sensitive?!” 

“I’m a bard, Geralt, I’ve always been this sensitive.” 

Geralt clenched his fists. He followed Jaskier as he went to the camp, grabbing his bag and threw it over his shoulder. He followed the bard as he started to walk away, ignoring all the eyes watching them. He expected Jaskier to stop. To slow down… to turn around and listen to reason. 

But he wasn’t, he just kept walking. 

Geralt was quickly coming to the realization that the anger boiling within him was covering up his fear. 

Jaskier couldn’t walk down this mountain alone. He would die. 

“If you leave now, I won’t be able to protect you.” 

“That’s fine, I can take care of myself.” 

“Jaskier, you’ll get hurt-” 

That finally stopped Jaskier in his tracks, but he didn’t turn around. “Don’t you get it, Geralt? You’ve hurt me more than anything on this mountain ever could.” 

When Jaskier kept walking after that, Geralt found he could no longer follow. 

\-- 

“Fuck,” Geralt hissed. Jaskier was out of view. Geralt stood until the sun had set, and Jaskier still had not come back. It hadn’t been a bluff. 

Jaskier would prefer to climb down a mountain by himself, than camp one more night with Geralt. 

“Fuck!” Geralt clenched his hands. Jaskier had always infuriated him, but this was over the top, even for him. How could he do this? How could he be so - so -  _ stupid _ . Geralt growled as he finally turned back to camp. He had no other choice but to go after the idiot. 

Jaskier really did ruin  _ everything _ . 

Everyone was either still staring at him, or pretending to set up camp while still staring at him, as he made his way through. Yennefer was still in her tent. 

Geralt had to go to her, and had to explain why he was leaving. It was the least he could do. 

But Yennefer didn’t look too impressed to see him when he stepped into her tent. She didn’t say anything, lifting a brow as he stood in her entrance, shifting on his feet. 

“Yen, I… I have to leave,” Geralt grunted. “I have to chase down my bard, but I wanted to let you know, I don’t want to. I want to stay here with you. Talk to you. Be with you. I just can’t let the idiot get himself killed.” 

“Why?” 

Geralt frowned, “because… he’s-” 

“A friend?” Yen rolled her eyes, “but you never call him that. And after all that shouting, I’m starting to think he’s much more than that.” 

“He’s… confused,” Geralt shook his head, Jaskier wasn’t the point here. “Yen, this isn’t-” 

“Are you sure Jaskier is the one who is confused, Geralt?” 

Geralt sighed, why did she always have to talk like this? “What?” 

“You have sex with Jaskier. You spend all your time with Jaskier. Yet, you claim that you want to be with me instead? When we’ve met, what, a handful of times? Why?” 

“Because-” Geralt growled in confusion, “my feelings are for you. I’m drawn to you!” 

Yennefer nodded, her eyes moving across his face, “interesting choice of words.” 

“What does it matter what words I choose?” 

“You’re  _ drawn _ to me. You didn’t say you love me, or you even care about me, you’re drawn to me,” Yen cocked her head, “just like I’m drawn to you.” 

Geralt’s brow furrowed, “but I do care for you-” 

“It doesn’t matter what you feel, Geralt, I don’t think it’s real.” 

“... what?” 

“Your wish, your last wish with the djinn, what was it?” 

Geralt swallowed, “why does that matter?” 

“Because I didn’t feel like this when we first met, and neither did you,” Yennefer stepped forward, getting into his space, “but after that wish, it felt like you were mine. Why? What did you do?” 

He didn’t want to tell her, not like this, but… with her this close, her breath on his cheek, he knew she wasn’t going to stand down. 

“I wished you wouldn’t die.” 

Yen’s eyes fluttered, “you bound our lives together.” 

“No, I-” 

“You did. The djinn bound us together, to get us both out of there alive. That’s why we feel the way we feel, it’s magic.” Yennefer was stepping away now, her eyes shutting him out. 

Geralt didn’t like this, he reached for her, but she moved out of his way. “But I still  _ feel _ it!” 

“It’s stronger for you than it is for me, because you felt it before, didn’t you?” Yen shook her head, “just not for me. It redirected your feelings for someone else.” 

“... no-” 

“Jaskier is the one you love, Geralt. Not me.” 

“No, I would know, I would remember-” 

“Would you?” Yen asked, “you brought him to me, told me you would do anything, give me anything, as long as I saved him. Yet when he was healed, it was me that you turned to, not him. Because of the djinn.” 

Everything felt foggy, fuzzy. It didn’t feel real, and yet… 

It made sense, didn’t it? 

The more he thought about it, the more he remembered those nights with Jaskier. Those times when his heart warmed him more than the fire, just watching the bard play a tune. Those nights when they shared a bed, and Geralt pretended to be drunker than he was, just so he could slip his hands underneath Jaskier’s shirt. Those moments when Jaskier would smile at him, and Geralt… 

Geralt hadn’t felt that warmth in a long time. 

But was it still there? Was he still… did he really love Jaskier? 

How did he fucking forget who he was in love with? 

“Go after him, Geralt, we both know he won’t survive the night without you.” 

“But… what about-” 

“I’ll find a way to break it. You’ll know when it’s been done.” 

Geralt licked his lips, “Yen, you do matter to me.” 

Yen smiled at him, soft, “and I’ll come find you when it’s done. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe we can still be…” she sighed, “but we can’t know until it’s gone. And until then, I don’t think we should be near each other.” 

Geralt nodded, and with one last look, he slipped out of the tent. 

It was time to find the idiot that he was probably in love with. 

\-- 

Tracking Jaskier wasn’t hard, he hadn’t made it that far on his own. He couldn’t see him though, in the dark of the night, but he knew he was close. Geralt could smell him. Could hear him breathing, but there was no fire nearby. No bard playing music. 

Geralt cocked his head and listened carefully. A few more feet to the left, straight ahead and - 

His heartbeat was above Geralt’s head. 

Geralt felt his shoulders relax, and he looked up to find Jaskier staring down at him, curled up on a branch. 

“Jaskier, get down from there,” Geralt called up, “you’re going to fall as soon as you fall asleep.” 

“... Geralt?” 

There was a shift, a curse, and then Jaskier’s lute case came flying down towards him. Geralt caught it easily, placing it against the tree. 

“Try coming down a little slower than that.” 

Jaskier took a few minutes climbing down, Geralt watching him the whole way. When he finally made it to the bottom, he squinted at Geralt, before reaching out and poking him. 

Geralt batted the hand away. “It’s me,” he grunted. 

“I can’t bloody see shit, how am I supposed to know it’s really you!” 

Geralt rolled his eyes, “if you didn’t know it was me, you shouldn’t have climbed down the tree.” 

“Well... what do you want?” 

Geralt grunted, turning to collect branches for a fire. 

“Geralt, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to talk to Yennefer.” 

Geralt hummed, stacking the sticks together and lighting them with a Sign. It wasn’t big, but it was enough to give Jaskier some light and heat. He would add more later. 

But for right now… he settled beside the fire. 

“I did go speak with Yennefer, she… said something.” 

“Okay?” Jaskier put his hands on his hips, “what does that have to do with you being here?” 

“I was always going to come after you, Jaskier,” Geralt frowned at him, “I would never let you get hurt out here.” 

Jaskier still looked pissed, but at Geralt’s words he finally sat down by the fire. “Fine. What did Yennefer say?” 

“She said I’m supposed to be in love with you. She said I was in love with you before, and the djinn redirected it to her…” 

“Wait, what? Really?” Jaskier’s voice was full of hope. It made something in him… ache. 

He turned back to the fire, “I don’t know. Yennefer feels sure, but I don’t... “ Geralt sighed, “I remember… feeling fond, of you,” he glanced up at Jaskier, to see him staring intently at him. “I remember feeling warm. But I never put a name to it. And after I met Yen...all I thought about was her.” 

Jaskier was silent for once. It lasted so long, Geralt finally looked up at the man. He was staring into the flames of the fire, his eyes unfocused. 

“Jaskier, I… I didn’t do it intentionally. I was just trying to save her life.” 

“And in exchange, you lost your love for me,” Jaskier said in a hollow voice. 

“It’s not lost, it’s-” 

“Directed at someone else.” 

“...yes.” 

Jaskier wrapped his arms around his legs, curling into himself. “Will it ever come back?” 

“I don’t know. Yen said she would look into it.” 

Jaskier nodded. Geralt pretended not to smell the salt in the air, as Jaskier started to sniff. He waited, but Jaskier didn’t have anything else to say. 

A few moments later, Geralt got up to add more branches to the fire. 

When he sat down again, Jaskier had lied down on the other side of the fire, his back to him. Geralt sighed, moving around until his back was against a tree. 

The last thing he heard, before he settled in to meditate, was Jaskier’s soft whisper. 

“I knew I hadn’t imagined it.” 

\-- 

The next day was… awkward. 

Geralt waited until Jaskier started to stir before he got up. There was no camp to pack up. No Roach to get ready as he waited for the bard. So instead he just… watched Jaskier, as he yawned his way awake. 

From the look Jaskier gave him as he finally stumbled to his feet, he did not appreciate it. 

The walk down the mountain was worse. Geralt was used to Jaskier talking, singing, humming. Making any and all kinds of noise. But today he was silent. He didn’t even complain about the lack of breaks. 

In fact, he was the one moving them forward everytime Geralt tried to stop for one. 

But even with no stops, they couldn’t make it back to Roach before nightfall. Jaskier was still only human, and the mountain trek was long. 

That didn’t stop Jaskier from grumbling as he tried to build a fire. Since they were lower now, and there was more of a forest around them, Geralt was able to hunt down two rabbits for them to eat. 

Jaskier didn’t say anything as they ate beside the fire together. He didn’t say anything afterwards either, as they sat in silence, waiting for the night to pass. 

The next day went by much the same. 

By the time they made it to the inn, the next night, Geralt was started to grow uneasy. When Jaskier asked for two rooms, instead of their regular one, he couldn’t take it anymore. 

He dragged Jaskier into the first room before the bard had a chance to lock Geralt out of the second. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Uh, being manhandled?” 

“No,” Geralt growled, dropping his hands, “what is wrong with you? You’re not talking, not singing, you haven’t touched your lute in two days-” 

“Wow, my apologies, I thought those were all things you hated. Like pretty much everything else about me-” 

“Jaskier, I never said I hated you! Stop acting so- so-” 

“Childish?” 

“Yes!” 

Jaskier sighed. He put his hands on his hips, ran his tongue over his teeth. “I don’t know what you want from me Geralt. I talk, and I sing, and you complain. I stop doing those things, and you complain. What do you want from me?” 

“I want you to act normally,” Geralt spat. 

Jaskier shook his head, “but I’m not  _ normal _ , Geralt, I never have been.” That’s not what he had meant, but Jaskier wasn’t finished, “you used to love me, even though I was different. Maybe because I was different. But you loved me all the same, right?”

Geralt licked his lips, “according to Yennefer’s theory… yes.” 

“Well, what do you feel for me now?” 

Geralt’s brow furrowed, “what does it matter?” 

“It matters a great deal. I’m not going to travel with someone, spend all my time with someone, who hates me. Like I said on the mountain, I can’t do that anymore.” 

Geralt shook his head, “I don’t  _ hate _ you.” 

“Okay, you don’t hate me. You don’t love me. So what do you feel? Indifferent?” 

“If I was indifferent, I would have left you to die on that mountain.” 

“Okay…” Jaskier sighed, “but what do you feel when we travel together? When I sit and play all night? When I follow you on a hunt? When I badger you to drink with me in a tavern? What do you feel then?” 

“I don’t know,” Geralt shrugged, “annoyed?” 

“Annoyed,” Jaskier’s shoulders slumped, “I constantly make you feel annoyed.” 

“No,” Geralt ran a hand over his face, “maybe- it doesn’t matt-” 

“It does matter! Why would you want me around if I make you feel annoyed  _ all _ the time?” 

“Because you’re-” Geralt waved a hand, “you’re always around!” 

“So I’m just a habit to you?” 

“No! You- you help, you make me feel cared for, but you’re also so infuriating!” Geralt snarled, throwing his hands in the air, “you nitpick, you poke into things where you don’t belong, you drag me into your own problems until they become mine!” 

Jaskier crossed his arms, “when have I ever-” 

“The court of Cintra! The child surprise!” 

“How is it  _ my _ fault-” 

“And the djinn! If it weren’t for you, I would never have met Yennefer and had this fucking mess to deal with in the first place!” 

“Wow, well  _ fuck _ you too, Geralt. I didn’t go fishing for the djinn,  _ you _ did! I didn’t tell you to claim the law of surprise,  _ you _ did that all on your own!” Jaskier snapped, “I asked you to help protect me, you’re the one who decided to spend the entire night dining with the Queen, and getting involved in all their business!” 

“If you had left me well enough alone while I was looking for the djinn, I would still be in love with you!” Geralt roared back. 

He regretted it as soon as it was said. As soon as Jaskier’s face flickered in pain. 

“Right, well,” Jaskier swallowed, “at least now I know. You don’t hate me - but you hate having me around.” 

“... Jaskier-” but it was too late, Jaskier was already out the door. “Fuck.” 

\-- 

The next morning, when Geralt brought Jaskier his favorite breakfast pastry in apology, all he found was an empty room. 

Jaskier was gone. 

\-- 

The next two months were unbearable. 

Geralt had tried to follow Jaskier, but the man had spent his last coin buying a horse. And after all the years with Geralt, it seemed the bard knew how to disappear if he wanted to. 

Geralt hated that he had wanted to. 

He’d tried to find him anyway, but no one had seen or heard him in any town he went. His trail and his scent weren’t in any wood he passed. 

He was gone. 

And Geralt was miserable. 

This was worse than any time they had separated in the past. That had always been a mutual choice. Or, if Geralt let himself admit it, it had always been Geralt choosing to leave Jaskier… not the other way around. 

Now he wondered if this was how Jaskier felt, everytime he woke up to find Geralt gone. Every time they went into a town, Geralt left him behind. Every time Jaskier had asked where they were heading next, voice ever hopeful, and Geralt hadn’t replied. 

If this was how Jaskier had felt… it was so much worse than he had imagined. 

Geralt couldn’t eat, without thinking about Jaskier. He couldn’t work, without half his mind wondering where the bard was now. He couldn’t  _ sleep _ . If he had thought he needed the djinn before… 

What he would give to be able to nap now. 

But Jaskier was still gone - so Geralt kept searching. 

\-- 

He found him, finally, in a backwater town in the middle of the night. He was drunk, leaning heavily against the man sitting beside him. He didn’t notice Geralt. 

It was probably better that way. 

Geralt listened as Jaskier complained about his ‘lost love’ who he had ‘given everything to, only to receive nothing in return’. It didn’t take a genius to know Jaskier was talking about him. 

But the way he refused to say his name… the way Jaskier’s voice broke on the word ‘love’... it made Geralt rethink his plan. 

Or the fact that he had no plan. 

He’d finally found Jaskier, but for what? Why did he want him around? His answer was still as vague as it had been when Jaskier had asked him, two months before. 

He just… liked having the bard around. Even if he annoyed him. But was that fair? Jaskier clearly wanted more. 

And Geralt… couldn’t give it to him. 

It would be cruel, he decided, to make Jaskier follow after him, now that they knew Geralt’s love for him was gone. They couldn’t continue on as they had. Jaskier couldn’t follow him blindly. 

So, after two months of searching, Geralt let him go. 

\-- 

Roach was acting skittish, and Geralt didn’t have time for it. The head of the kikimora he’d just slain was tied to her saddle. He had cuts in his hair, and a gash in his side. He had to get paid, get a bath, and get a healer, if his wound was still bleeding by then. 

But Roach refused to walk down the path, so with a groan, Geralt slid off her back. 

“What is it girl?” He asked, taking her reins and stepping forward. “See, nothing’s here- oh, fuck.” 

A portal swirled into existence in front of him. Geralt tensed, reaching for his sword - but it was only Yennefer primply stepping through, eyeing the muddy ground distastefully as she did so. 

“Shouldn’t you be in a tavern already, this time of night?” 

“What do you want, Yen?” 

“Always so polite,” Yennefer looked around with bored eyes, before turning back to Geralt with a raised brow, “what, no bard?” 

Geralt clenched his jaw. It had been 4 months, since he last saw Jaskier. 6 since he last spoke to him. He didn’t need Yennefer here to remind him of that. “What do you want?” He repeated. 

“And to think, I ever thought these feelings were real,” she shook her head, “come with me, I’ve found a way to put an end to all this, but I need you there when I do it.” 

Geralt’s eyes widened, but he hesitated, “Roach-” 

“Can come too. This will only take a moment, Geralt, and then I can bring you back here, if you so wish. Now come on,” she waved impatiently. 

Geralt understood her impatience. He couldn’t wait to get this over with either. 

\-- 

Yen had been right, it only took a moment. 

They held hands. She said words in Elder. They both put a few droplets of blood into a bubbling bowl of herbs, and then everything went black. 

When he opened his eyes again, Yennefer was still the beautiful sorceress he knew her to be. And he was glad to find that a part of his heart still warmed at the thought of spending time with her. 

But it wasn’t what it used to be. 

“It’s done,” she said, getting to her feet. 

Geralt nodded, but before he could stand, another wave hit him - and this time, it wasn’t black. 

This time - it was  _ Jaskier _ . His face, his voice, his touch, his smile. Every time he’d laughed with Geralt. Every time he’d casually touched his skin - it now burned into him like they it was all happening at once. 

When he opened his eyes again, panting to catch his breath, Yen was looking down at him, disappointment on her face. 

“It’s him, isn’t it.” 

“It was always him,” even when Geralt didn’t feel it, he’d wanted - needed- to be near Jaskier. It was always going to be him. “Yen, it’s not that you’re not important to me-”

“It’s just that you love someone else.” Geralt nodded, but before he could apologize for it, Yen was smiling at him. “Good. This is the way it’s supposed to be.” 

\-- 

Yen sent him and Roach to Oxenfurt, where Geralt knew Jaskier was planning on wintering. He had let the man have his space, but Geralt had kept tabs on him. 

He knew exactly where to find him. He just hoped he also knew exactly what to say. Because if he thought he had missed Jaskier before… this was so much worse. 

Just the thought of the bard’s name brought an ache to his chest. The idea that Jaskier may have moved on? Or would still be angry with him, for causing this rift between them? It hurt. All Geralt wanted was to hold him in his arms - to tell him, for the first time, that he loved him. 

He hoped he didn’t fuck it up. 

He rode Roach into the city, heading for the university. Jaskier had an apartment on the edge of the school, as he stayed here most winters to teach, but Geralt had never been there before. He just needed to find a place where he knew Jaskier would go. A group of trees, where he might compose. A square he might perform in. Or- there - Geralt caught his scent - beside a small pond, Jaskier had probably sat beside to write his poetry. 

He was so predictable. Geralt couldn’t love him any more than he did in this moment. 

He followed the trail, winding his way through students and buildings. He stopped outside of a short, brick, building. Jaskier was in there. 

He dropped off of Roach, there was nothing to tie her to but he trusted she wouldn’t get far. And only an idiot would try to steal a witcher's horse. 

Geralt ran the few steps it took to get to the door. Whether he was going to bang on it until Jaskier answered, or rip it off its hinges completely, he hadn’t decided yet - but he didn’t need to. 

Jaskier opened the door before he reached it. 

“Geralt?” 

Geralt didn’t pull himself back. Instead, he let himself run head first into the man. His arms wrapping around his sides - his face pressed against his neck. For the first time in 6 months, for the first time in the  _ three years  _ since the djinn - Geralt breathed in the scent of  _ home _ . 

“Jaskier,” Geralt whispered against his skin. 

“Geralt…” Jaskier tried to pull away, but Geralt found he couldn’t let go, not yet. A moment later and Jaskier was holding on just as tightly. 

“I’ve missed you,” Geralt said. 

“You’re getting kikimora guts on my best silk,” Jaskier replied. 

Geralt chuckled, leaning back. Jaskier looked up at him, his eyes full of tears. 

“There it is,” Jaskier said, his hand coming up to press against Geralt’s cheek, “there’s the look I  _ knew _ I hadn’t imagined.” 

“You didn’t,” Geralt pressed a kiss into Jaskier’s palm. “I love you, Jaskier. I loved you before the djinn. Before the child surprise. Gods, I’ve loved you since you were twenty years old, and you kept threatening to write a song about my cock.” 

“I did write that song.” 

“All the better,” Geralt said, before he leaned down and kissed him. 

\-- 

That night was better than any other night Geralt had spent with Jaskier. As he licked his way down Jaskier’s throat, passed his collarbone, and over his stomach, he couldn’t help but look up and watch as Jaskier monad with pleasure under his touch. 

He practically purred when Jaskier looked down at him, his eyes full of lust and love. 

Yes, he decided, as he moved up and captured Jaskier’s mouth in his once more, everything was better, when they were both in love. 

\-- 

  
  



End file.
